Oh my heavens If you re married to someone with ADHD, BUY THIS BOOK It is so validating It s changing my life I finally have hope again, and I m not even finished reading This book is so right on with both sides the person WITH, and the person WITHOUT, ADHD.Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel If there s someone close to you particularly an adult with ADHD, this book will EMPOWER youthan you can comprehend. Written for partners of p w people with AD HD, by an award winning journalist whose husband has AD HD, Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D describes AD HD symptoms thoroughly explains AD HD based on current brain research communicates with anecdotes how AD HD symptoms practically manifest in real life and their devastating and frequently annihilating impact on relationships and provides success strategies for partners of p w AD HD for self care, supporting their AD HD partners in obtaining trea Written for partners of p w people with AD HD, by an award winning journalist whose husband has AD HD, Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D describes AD HD symptoms thoroughly explains AD HD based on current brain research communicates with anecdotes how AD HD symptoms practically manifest in real life and their devastating and frequently annihilating impact on relationships and provides success strategies for partners of p w AD HD for self care, supporting their AD HD partners in obtaining treatment, finding effective therapy for both parties and understanding the role of medication in managing AD HD.Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD is filled with factual information that helps one understand that the behaviors manifested by partners with AD HD that appear selfish, childish, lazy, willfully incompetent, etc., most likely have an organic origin in their partner s brain and are not necessarily character issues or a reflection of how little their AD HD partners love them Describing the impacts of untreated AD HD on relationships, very frequently accompanied by corollary challenges like substance and junk food abuse, emotional irritability, clinical anxiety, clinical depression and , Ms Pera also emphasizes repeatedly the necessity of successfully addressing the AD HD before addressing the damaged relationship itself Of exceptional usefulness is guidance Ms Pera provides in the type of therapeutic modalities that are most effective and appropriate for you, your partner with AD HD, and together, as well as how to gauge the competence of mental health professionals in AD HD issues Surprisingly, given the number of people having AD HD, the mental health profession is apparently behind the curve in its understanding of, ability to correctly diagnose, and successfully treat AD HD If you end up with a well meaning dud, your relationship can get worse with bad advice rather than better.Some of the guidance offered may seem to continue the same, exploitative practices that embitter partners of p w AD HD, such as taking responsibility to urge AD HD partners to obtain an accurate diagnosis and treatment, or seeking appropriate therapists It merely continues the reality that AD HD becomes the burden and responsibility of the partner NOT having AD HD, while the person WITH AD HD continues on his her merry way hyperfocusing on somethingfun just like a child However, getting your sick and it can t be overemphasized that AD HD is a medical condition partner help IS the first step to self care and, hopefully, repairing or saving your damaged relationship.I really appreciated the hope that Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D provides partners of p w AD HD that, with hard work and commitment of both parties, one doesn t have to be condemned to the life sucking role of their partner s caretaker, at the expense of one s own dreams and desires And, it also provides hope that one s AD HD partner isn t condemned to a life of failure and judgment I further appreciate that this book doesn t admonish partners of p w AD HD to appreciate differences or see AD HD as a gift AD HD is no gift when, as depicted in the book, your finances are in a chaotic state of disaster, you run the constant risk of car accidents because of your partner s distracted driving, you function as your partner s caretaker and maid, you live in a home that is the cause of humiliation because AD HD is your interior designer, your partner s employment history is unstable, or you become subject to verbal and emotional abuse because of AD HD corollaries.Gina Pera s ,Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D is an invaluable tool for partners who love their p w AD HD life companions and are willing to fight for what is best for both of them NOTE this is a slightly abridged version from my own site, which focuses on creative and or gifted adults with ADHD You can read the full story and other reviews at www.jaclynpaul.comIf you don t read the whole review, know this Stopping the Roller Coaster is an absolute must for anyone in a long term relationship where one orpartners have ADHD.When I was in art school, a professor I respected deeply warned us that as artists, having a marriage fall apart was going to belikely for NOTE this is a slightly abridged version from my own site, which focuses on creative and or gifted adults with ADHD You can read the full story and other reviews at www.jaclynpaul.comIf you don t read the whole review, know this Stopping the Roller Coaster is an absolute must for anyone in a long term relationship where one orpartners have ADHD.When I was in art school, a professor I respected deeply warned us that as artists, having a marriage fall apart was going to belikely for us than for regular folk.Why That singular dedication and drive, that chaos, that unwillingness or even inability to prioritize our spouses and our practical responsibilities over our work, which we might get wrapped up in for days or weeks We may not come to bed until 3 00 a.m We may not pay the bills on time or remember to pick up the dry cleaning before a formal gala We may appear not to care about anything or anyone when we are working.That sounds an awful lot like ADHD, which affects a great deal of intense creative thinkers In fact, my husband a computer programmer, which is a cousin to artist fits this description exactly.When I read this book, I gave it to him immediately, saying, this is a book about us He now credits Stopping the Roller Coaster with changing his entire perspective on life.Stopping the Roller Coaster focuses not just on obvious task completion problems associated with ADHD, but the oft overlooked range of executive functioning deficiencies that create serious relationship schisms and render typical couples therapy and communication conflict resolution strategies ineffective, including Listening really listening to your partner and comprehending what they ve told you Empathy Seeing a situation from your partner s perspective Comprehending cause and effect, including the impact your behavior has on your partner Emotional regulation, biploar behavior, and or heightened emotional responses to everyday situations Handling adult responsibilities and being reliable when your partner needs youPera also hits on the surprising manifestations of hyperactivity and in attentiveness in adults Hyperfocus getting absorbed in a project to the exclusion of anything or anyone else High risk behavior, including substance abuse and aggressive driving Picking fights, then blaming your partner for becoming upset as a result of the conflict Blurting out private or inappropriate information about your partner in social settings Insatiability and an inability to feel satisfied with anything or anyone in your lifeThe extensive research and real life anecdotes open the door for couples to see clearly and begin to make sense of the ADHD partner s confusing ups and downs of selfishness and generosity, irritability and sweetness, brilliance and boneheadedness For many readers, Pera s research will bring together disparate pieces they never knew belonged to the same puzzle For those with unrecognized undiagnosed ADHD, it will be a revelation My husband responded after the first few chapters that he couldn t believe everything he didn t like about himself had a common root and could be changed with proper strategies and medication.For that sense of hope alone, I recommend this book for any adult who is consistently late, has trouble thinking before speaking, misses deadlines constantly, and struggles to manage long term intimate relationships Often these people know they are not reaching their full potential but feel powerless to get their lives under control Because they are perfectly capable of focusing hyperfocusing, even on things that deeply interest them, their partners and colleagues come to the sensible but wholly incorrect conclusion that they just don t care.Pera also concisely debunks the idea that such mental disorders are a gift and stresses that our strengths are independent of our ADHD and, in fact, the ADHD fog can obscure the best of qualities Treating these disorders doesn t remove our capacity for innovation and brilliance Quite the contrary it frees us from our feelings of helplessness and lack of control.Many readers may find the consistent roller coaster metaphor helps them string together concepts expressed throughout the book I found it tedious and distracting because I prefer to delve straight into theories and statistics However, my distaste for the visual metaphor was by far my biggest criticism, and I suspect Stopping the Roller Coaster has savedthan a few marriages I had no idea how lucky we were until I read all those other couples stories There is an audio book version available, which I purchased for my husband because he prefers to read books that way If you are an audio book fan, be warned he found the narrator a bit too frowny during the anecdotes and examples of ADHD partners bad behavior, which undermined the spirit of the text That said, if you feel you or your partner will only read the book in this format, it s still well worth the investment Personally, I preferred the Kindle edition so I could make copious notes, bookmarks, and highlights that would be sortable and searchable later.All in all, Stopping the Roller Coaster combines just enough science for the lay reader with a wealth of real life stories from people in long term relationships with an ADHD partner It can feel disorienting to read so many stories you thought were unique to you, your marriage, or your partner, but the end result is hope hope that you can be successful in all aspects of life, hope that this is not the price you pay for talent and creativity, hope that you can reduce the baseline of anxiety and frustration in your home, and hope that you can take control of your life in a way you never thought possible Very well researched not given to hype or incomplete analysis of this difficult topic When I have some money, I plan to buy copies of it for my counselor and others, as it is very helpful I know Gina through an online support group for spouses of ADD folks, and she is very thorough in her work, and has gathered solid experts to contribute as well If you are married to someone with ADDgo get this book Immediately. Great one A real eye opener for me Thought I knew about ADD but I was totally ignorant to it This book needs to be read by all couples. This is a critical must read for people who are in a relationship with someone with adult ADD Takes a technical approach to answering some of the most difficult questions, citing various journals and research case studies The book includes references to other popular books on the subject and addresses common ADD partner issues such as denial and losing identity during medical treatment Other approaches for the non ADD partner to conflict resolution are included, like hot spot approaches This is a critical must read for people who are in a relationship with someone with adult ADD Takes a technical approach to answering some of the most difficult questions, citing various journals and research case studies The book includes references to other popular books on the subject and addresses common ADD partner issues such as denial and losing identity during medical treatment Other approaches for the non ADD partner to conflict resolution are included, like hot spot approaches, such as touching to gain attention before broaching a serious or important subject.Recommended reading for Masters Psychology, and highly recommended for studying MFT students I will certainly use this reference in my practice to distinguish differences between Mars Venus and ADD relationship issues.I ve also found it exceedingly helpful as a communication tool in my home life Everyone involved with AD HD will find the information in this book invaluable, especially people with AD HD and couples therapists, who often mistake AD HD for communication problems or personality differences Meticulously researched and presented with empathy and humor, Is It You, Me, or Adult ADDoffers the latest information from top experts, who explain the science and proven protocols for reducing AD HD s most challenging symptoms Real life details come from the partners themselves, who share their stories with touching candor yet plenty of humor A must read for anyone who thinks their spouse, parent, or other adult relative might have ADD or ADHD. This is a complete book for someone who has ADD or someone who lives with someone who has ADD Helps to unravel the myths and facts about ADD and how to cope Encouragement and support for those diagnosed with ADD and those whose partners have ADD. This is the first book I ve found that deals with the problems of living with a partner who has and possibly refuses to admit s he has ADHD A must read if you or someone you love is living with this condition.