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There is an alternate cover edition for this ISBN13 here I knew we were both in mortal danger Still, in that instant, I felt wellWhole I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin It was like there had never been any hole in my chest I was perfect not healed, but as if there had never been a wound in the first place For Bella Swan, there is one thingimportant than life itself Edward Cullen But being in love with a vampire is evendangerous than Bella could ever have imagined Edward has already rescued Bella from the clutches of one evil vampire, but now, as their daring relationship threatens all that is near and dear to them, they realize their troubles may be just beginning As ye sow, so shall ye reap Earlier this year, I foolishly lent my copy of Twilight to Cate across the road She liked it Then, when she got a place at college last month, we thought we d give her something as a congratulations and going away present It was so logical to buy a copy of New Moon.Cate zipped through it quickly, and dropped off her copy before leaving so that I could read it too How could I possibly say anything except thank you Well look on the bright side I ve heard so much about this book, and I suppose it is interesting to see what people are talking about But, Jesus Christ, Bella is eighteen and she s already obsessing about getting old She keeps hassling Edward to turn her into a vampire so that she can stay young and pretty for ever There is some chance that this will result in her losing her immortal soul, but hey, seems worth the risk.I suppose future ages may consider that this says something about early 21st century Western society You don t exactly have to overexert your mind to come up with interpretations in that direction.So here s a thought that occurred to me this morning, which I m surprised to find hasn t already been discussed to death by hardcore Twilight fans Bella is a bright girl who gets mostly As and Bs at school, so why hasn t she stopped even for a second to consider the physics of vampires To start with, where do they get their energy from They don t really eat, they don t really drink, and they don t even need to breathe Yet they re incredibly strong and fast OK, they claim they need blood every now and then But not, apparently, very often, and how could they possibly get this amount of energy from the occasional liter of blood Then they re hard, like marble In fact, if they didn t claim to be vampires, would we even think of calling them that They certainly seem to be a lot like humanoid robots And if you just follow up that hypothesis for a moment, several things fall into place Their blood must surely be full of those little nanobots that are going to be the Next Big Thing When a vampire bites a human, the nanobots get into the victim s bloodstream and start restructuring him from the inside out, replacing all the soft animal tissue with something far durable That no doubt includes the brain too they probably scan it and then map the structure onto software, a trick that s been standard in SF for several decades now No wonder the vampires can think so uncannily fast But if your brain has been scanned, destroyed, and turned into software, are you still the same person You can see why Edward is warning Bella that she might lose her soul It s a bit like turning an LP into a CD, a process that several of my classical musician friends describe in exactly those words And, going back to where we came in, where is their energy coming from Those nanobots must have their own power source too I must admit that I don t know what it is The fact that vampires don t seem to need any kind of material inputs suggests it s not chemical nuclear seems likely Maybe they have some kind of catalyzed cold fusion, or it could be a post quantum force that we haven t discovered yet After all, we re way overdue for the coming revolution in physics.Also, where did the nanobots come from, and why are vampires unhappy to be out in open sunlight I can only see one sensible answer They can t have been created by humans Vampires have been around a long time, and human technology was primitive when they first appeared They must be from elsewhere, which in practice means from another solar system Probably they were originally created thousands of light years from here, and have been drifting slowly on the cosmic currents for millennia Well, if their normal habitat is deep interstellar space, no wonder they re scared of sunlight They wouldn t normally be this close to a star they re not designed for it at all And here s the thing that surprised me most In fact, the story isn t irrelevant or far fetched If people like Ray Kurzweil are right, it s tackling what could soon be a major issue According to Kurzweil, the Singularity is supposed to arrive this century, and those nanobots will be a reality Millions of people will have to make exactly the moral choice that Bella has to make in the book Are you going to stay human, or allow yourself to be transformed into a godlike and near immortal being, which might however not actually be you any It s interesting that the books are appearing when they are, and present such a compelling emotional case for allowing yourself to be infected by nanobots If you like conspiracy theories, feel free to speculate some here I m doing my best to like this book I mean, hating it would hardly be a challenge, would it But every now and then, I get a passage like this one I d been broken beyond repair.But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug I d used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I d planned to go with anyone again.Aaarrrrgh Having now reached the end, I must admit that I enjoyed New Moon than I d expected Of course, there are some problems, starting with the fact that Stephenie Meyer can t write to save her life But by making it a first person narrative told by the shy, clumsy Bella, she has found an ingenious way to get around that Bella s endearing klutziness is just a metaphor for her even serious problems as a writer As she keeps telling us, every time she walks across a room she wonders if she ll trip over her feet and end up in hospital similar remarks apply to her ability to string together an eight word declarative sentence But she s stylistically consistent, and after a while I found myself accepting her This just happens to be her voice, even though it s not a very good one.I also thought that she was a seriously unreliable narrator Not about factual events to start off with, she doesn t seem to be imaginative enough to make anything up When it comes to telling us about her feelings, however, I found it hard to believe her, and presenting everything as a mass of regurgitated romantic clich s is an effective way to show us how poorly she understands herself We hear over and over again that she loves Edward, and only thinks of Jacob as a friend But we also hear that Edward feels hard and cold to the touch I couldn t help thinking of the wonderful scene in Mean Girls where Rachel McAdams s Cool Mom insists on giving Lindsay Lohan a silicone enhanced hug I m sure that Bella often winces in just the same way when Edward hugs her, though she doesn t allow herself to notice it In contrast, Jacob is warm and alive, and she genuinely likes holding his hand and feeling him put his arm around her There are several scenes when she nearly kisses him, knowing full well what that will lead to It s clear that she wants to, and the excuses she makes to herself about him just being an unsatisfactory substitute for Edward are laughably unconvincing.I found the opposition between Edward and Jacob the heart of the book, and after a while I decided that the author was presenting something interesting and essentially honest The tricky thing is that she s subverted the vampire symbol Usually, vampires represent the young girl s simultaneous dread and fascination in the face of sex But Edward isn t very sexy We re always being told that he looks like an angel, and indeed there does seem to be an angelic purity about him I find it much plausible that he s representing religion, and when you think of him in those terms several other things come into focus As Richard Dawkins keeps telling us, a religion is a kind of virus, which infected parties want to spread as quickly as possible well, vampirism is rather like that too And Bella is very conflicted in her feelings about vampires She loves the Cullens, her family , but she is well aware that most vampires are monsters If you re brought up in a cult like religion, that s not a bad metaphor All other religions are evil and wrong your own religion is the one exception to the rule.As everyone knows, Stephenie Meyer is a committed Mormon It doesn t seem far fetched to claim that Bella s feelings about vampires mirror the author s feelings about her religion, which among other things is very down on premarital sex And that s where the werewolves come in they represent the normal sexual feelings that most young Mormon girls are taught to deny The tension between these two conflicting attractions is what gives New Moon its undeniable force, and I found the story credible at an emotional level I can readily believe that it s just like that to be a eighteen year old Mormon girl with a healthy sexual appetite, and I feel I understand their plight better after having read this book Well done, Stephenie Stephen King once said, Stephenie Meyer can t write worth a darn She s not very good I couldn t agree , Stephen With that, we shall kick this off with a joke Heh This re reading is brought to you courtesy of Project Hindsight I m sorry folks I just could not get through this shit book another time However, since I ve already read it a few times, I feel extremely confident in skipping to the review But first, can someone please explain to me why this book is 563 pages Seriously, how is it possible a book with almost no plot can be so long When I first read New Moon back in 2008, I didn t like it In fact I m not even sure why it had three stars because I remember being super frustrated Even though Edward and Bella s relationship deeply disturbs my soul, Bella is so incredibly boring without him I m not even sure how Stephenie Meyer managed 563 pages Truly, I m amazed because I can sum up New Moon in one big picture But let s get on with it, I ll go into some detail for ya.The book starts off on Bella s 18th birthday, a day she has been dreading for months only because in her mind she will be one year older than Edward So, she makes a huge production about people not celebrating her birthday, but the Cullens ignore her and Alice plans a party Before Edward forces her to attend they watch Romeo and Juliet the book s supposed theme and they have merry little conversation about Edward s contingency plans once Bella dies Now, let s not forget they ve only been dating for a few months Yet, here they are making out and talking about killing themselves in the event of the other s death How romantic Don t even ask me the logic behind how they can even kiss when his teeth are supposed to be venom coated Stephenie Meyer gives some bull shit excuse she must have learned from ass grab 101 But I digressFinally, they make it to the birthday party Bella gets a paper cut and Jasper almost single handedly ends this series on page 29 Unfortunately, to my dismay his attempt was foiled by Edward Eddie pushes Bella out the way and she crashes into the glass plates, slashing up her arm Pause, let s think about that scene a bit Who s bright idea was it to have glass plates With a human In a room full of vampires That drink blood Isn t Alice psychic Why didn t she see Bella cutting her finger on the wrapping paper Wait, don t think about that because if you spend all your time contemplating the stupidity, we ll never get through this review.Obviously, Eddie is not happy with the events that went down at his place and Bella further irritates him by apologizing forwait for itbeing human Bella, you know you ve been hanging out with mythical creatures too much when you start thinking your humanity isn t normal But anyway, Eddie does what any loving boyfriend would do after their girlfriend is attack by their brother he ignores her And because Eddie is Alpha Male Edward and Bella is Submissive Mary Sue Bella, she doesn t confront him about it Instead, she waits for him to be ready On the third day of ignoring her, he drags he into the words and chucks up the deuces The exchange goes a little like this Alpha Male Edward tells Submissive Mary Sue Bella firmly, No, I don t want you to come You re no good for me And she pretty much agrees realizing how much of a waste of space she is Then Edward just pours salt all over her open wound and tells her Don t do anything reckless or stupid, he ordered, no longer detached Do you understand what I m saying I m thinking of Charlie, of course He needs you Take care of yourself for him I nodded helplessly Wow Relly You re just going to let him order you around like that How about you look after yourself FOR YOU first, everyone else second Awesome Bells Can I call you Bells Not only do you have ZERO self preservation skills, but also no self confidence Just awesome There s only about a million or so girls looking up to you as a role model No pressure to be a strong female character You could have walked away from this with grace, but no, instead all your dignity flies out the window when you pull a bitch move and run after Edward through the woods Then, she defaults back to Fuck my life mode and slips into a depression for four fucking months I find it kind of funny her depression was longer than their actual relationship Heh But this wasn t just any depression, it was some serious shit I always had nightmares now, every night Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the same nightmare You d think I d get bored after so many months, grow immune to it Or how about this Even my outsides looked different my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that if I were beautiful and seen from a distance I might even pass for a vampire now Once again I find myself asking the question Where are her parents Why did Charlie let this go on for FOUR months She should have been in counseling or something But Meyer thinks she can just pacify readers by Renee sending a random e mail here and there or Charlie just suggesting she seek help, only to be shot down by Bella Fail So much fail All that considered, that s not even the biggest problem I have with this book Bella soon figures out she can conjure up hallucinations of Edward if she does something reckless or suicidal This is where Jake comes into play Bella uses Jake like everyone else to get what she wants by asking him to fix up two motorcycles she found and giving her riding lessons She figures it will be the perfect thing to help her see of Edward I suppose she simply forgot how big of a klutz she is and once the bikes are fixed the lessons commence The first time she gets on she falls off and Jake the only one with common sense thinks they should call it a day before she gets hurt But Bella thinks this is BK and she can have it her way, and gets back on the bike Chick has gone batshit crazy and she promptly busts her ass But she doesn t care because her mission was a success She got to see and hear Edward Her next brilliant idea is to throw herself off a cliff during high tide The first time I read this I was secretly hoping she would drown, but the other two books already were published, so it was a hopeless wish Oh and I almost forgot to mention the actual plot LOL Funny how that happens when there isn t one, huh LOL The She vamp, Victoria, is scoping out the area trying to get to Bella But her part is VERY small in this book like the plot , so we don t really need to talk about her I suppose the wolf pack is worth mentioning They re pretty much a bunch of wannabe werewolves that run around with their shirts off That s all you really need to know about them So, finally Alice shows up in chapter 18 because she thought Bella was trying to commit suicide close enough Alice And through a nice little exchange of he said, she said BS, Edward is off to Italy to kill himself This causes Bella to go into hero mode and race to Italy and save Edward I really don t care enough to give my thoughts on the race to Italy That entire part was rushed and anti climatic There isn t even a fight scene Instead here is a timeline courtesy of Reasoning with Vampires Thanks for the link Cait and Jen Anyway, they get back to good old Forks and Bella composes a vote on everyone s thoughts of her joining team undead Edward is at a steady no along with Rosalie But everyone else says, Hell yes Like becoming a vampire is a party or something Funny thing is when Bella asks Jasper he goes And she s all Hmm, yeah, that s not weird at all Not the least bit creepy.In the last few pages Edward and Jake have a little pissing contest and Edward proposes to Bella The End Yawn Thank God it s over Now where s my fuckin chocolate My Twilight Review can be found here BONUS Oh, yeah, bonus time Cause what s a review without one Quick If I were to light Edward on fire what would he become view spoiler hide spoiler Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget it was a hard line to walk bReally cringing at my younger self..And yet.I still loved itSo, I guess I m cringing at my older self too Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason And then you shot across my sky like a meteor Suddenly everything was on fire When Bella gets a paper cut during her birthday, she in typical ridiculously unstable fashion slices her arm open and stuffs it with glass She becomes surrounded by seven thirsty vampires.While she manages to make it out alive, Edward is horrified by what his family has the potential to do How is this a surprise They re bloody vampires Edward does the sensible thing and completely erases himself from her life Bella does the sensible thing and completely erases her mind She throws herself into this weird fugue state for the first few chapters I honestly have no idea how to live without you Codependency for the win Seriously, their relationship is so messed up when I think about it 100 year old man, 18 year old girl I mean technically it isn t statuary but give Edward a few wrinkles and a stooped walkand this book would be giving off a whole different vibe.Looking back now, I don t understand how I was Team Edward for this book Poor Jacob did all that work with healing Bella only to get thrown aside as soon as a little sparkle dances her way I remember my sixteen year old self absolutely crying when Bella goes into the fugue state after Edward leaves and bawling again when he came back I kept thinking, This is TRUE love Woah, Nelly At least I don t feel the same nowright The 2018 PopSugar Reading Challenge An allegoryAudiobook CommentsThe girl voices done by Ilyana Kadushin were alright but her version of male voices were rather terrible Picture a girl with the scratchy cold voice That s every guy in the book Sigh.YouTube Blog Instagram Twitter Snapchat miranda.reads Happy Reading This should suffice.